Live Fast.

tomorrow is the last day of high school - yay.

too bad every single night my brain fucking attacks itself & I’ve been miserable. ha, like andi says: I can’t listen to me because I’m the meanest person every when I’m talking about myself. I called her in the middle of the night for the first time since like 8th grade b/c i was considering permanently shutting myself up.

It’s awful. I’m about ready to do anything for silence.

I can’t stop thinking about my grades & college & finding a job & DJ & fighting with my mom & my friendship with David & graduation. Bottom line on all of those things is that im going to fail at them. My grades are gonna suck in college so imma lose my scholarship & not have a job & my mom will be right & DJ will leave me cuz I’m too fucked up to be with & David will too. The only thing I’m certain of is graduation.. but even that is scary as fuck cuz that marks the beginning of everything else.

Going to raid the alcoholic beverage collection…. to try to shut ‘me’ up.